Thoughts about God after childbirth
Right now my new baby girl is snuggled up quietly on the couch near me. I've been binging on "Fixer Upper" today and waiting for a time that I could gather and share some meditations I have had during my pregnancy about the presence of God.
Mainly two meditations come to mind, as my mind is fairly tired and foggy right now. I smile and think of the many months my five-year-old talked about the baby. She thought this, was she smiling, was she crying, could she feel him touch me? Her presence in the family was very strong, even though we had never seen her. We felt her, and we knew she was there. My boys began talking about our family of five, though to the eye, and for reservation purposes, we were four.
I began to think this is what it must be like to be in another dimension. A present unseen reality. She was a part of our world, yet not immersed in it. My biology, but not yet visible to the world, save for those who could see her moving in me.
Personally, I felt her there inside of me. I felt her stirrings there, real as anything I could see though she remained unseen, save a grainy ultrasound. My family and close friends could behold the reality of her presence in me as well, as they could see her movements in me.
Isn't the Holy Spirit like this? I can feel the Spirit inside. His growing influence and fullness in my life become visible, His movements in my life are noted by those who know me.
In this way, my pregnancy became a reflection of the work of Christ in me, the life of Christ of me. Though His scarred body is unseen, I carry the presence of His Spirit, and His movements of grace in my life are beheld.
The Now and The Not Yet
Many of the books I have been reading and podcasts I have been listening to lately describe the Kingdom of God as "Now and Not Yet".
Pregnancy is definitely the perfect living metaphor for Heaven's vision. She was there in me, real, moving, growing, affecting my person, visible to those who would look long and close enough to see her kick or roll. And yet, the fullness of her impact and presence was not yet manifested.
We live in the now and not yet Kingdom of God. Jesus as our"yes", we have bold confidence that the Spirit will provide what we need to obey God now. And yet, there will be a time when we can see the light of Christ radiating from His own personal body, different and brighter than the light we can see coming every day from the body of His present Church.
We live in a time of hope, of discomfort in labor, and looking forward to the fullness of Christ's presence, His city brought down in our midst, fully immersed in the Kingdom of God.
Baby girl is stirring, so that is all I have time for now.